Whole From Years of Self Destruction

  by Tami D, Idaho

I was dying, emotionally and physically. That's when I believe Jesus rescued me. Self-destruction was the consummation of my being. Ruled by drugs, alcohol and sexual immorality, I was a liar and a thief. The decaying effects of rage, resentment and selfishness were seeping from my pores and into every aspect of my life. I was a woman who, with my own hands, had torn down every relationship in my life.

Raised in a home of raging alcoholics, I learned from an early age not to trust people. I learned that I could not depend on anyone to care more for me than I did myself. I was taught that I would have to love myself before anyone else would ever love me. I knew that I would have to value myself more than everyone else in order to gain respect from others. Demanding honor and loyalty from all, I was loyal to no one but myself. I respected no authority and allowed no interpretation of love to infiltrate my self-absorption. I would not be moved, shaken or changed for any person, commanding that others "love me for who I was." However, in completion of the passive-aggressive cycle I had created, I was clingy and needy, terrified of not being loved, hanging on to destructive relationships long after I had completely sabotaged them. I was convinced that the hole I felt deep inside could be filled with the love and adoration of "the right man."

Believing that the God of my youth was not real, I created my own god: I believed (my) god knew I was "a good person" and would "take care of me." I compared myself to others, who seemed conveniently to be living a more demented lifestyle than myself. I believed all others were living in self-righteousness. I was not aware of any other God.

But then I came to the end of myself. I knew I was dying. I knew I had become insane; after years of drug and alcohol abuse and being told I was crazy, finally I too was convinced. I checked myself into a mental hospital, and shortly after my stay, I found myself concocting the details of my suicide. I was dying. I was done. Broken and emotionally helpless, I cried out to the Lord, "Please, help me. Why does this keep happening to me? Please, help me."

After that desperate night in my closet, when God spoke to me and sent me out to find Him, I believe He led me to the Healed and Set Free Bible study. God, in His amazing supernatural power, brought me to Himself. Jesus has used the tools in Healed and Set Free to save my soul from self-destruction. HSF has taught me who God is. What price He paid to save me. That He created me for a specific purpose. What that purpose is. And that He is powerful enough to heal me where I was broken; to forgive my every transgression; to give me a new start; to empower me to put off the old man, and be transformed and renewed in His Spirit.

Tami and Tammy
Healed and Set Free Bible Study has given me the tools to practice forgiveness; to leave the past in the dust; to look to the future, toward the goal-the prize of Christ Jesus and living in eternity with Him. Healed and Set Free has taught me how to love like Jesus does, as I have been loved by Him; to be the wife, mother, daughter and sister that He created me to be. Healed and Set Free has shown me the meaning of freedom.

He has delivered me from the shackles of the enemy. I am living free of regret. I was lost and broken, my heart busted and beaten, but now I am truly complete and whole. Today I am living the abundant life, serving my Lord, the King of Kings.

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Whole From Years of Self Destruction - by Tami D.
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